Doctor

I had my first appointment with my new doctor today.  

First impression??  I LOVE HER!

She came in and immediately sat down on the floor and spread out all of my records and started talking to me like I was her long lost friend.  

On top of just being really good at making me feel comfortable she is going to run TONS of labs and tests on me to try and figure out what my headaches are from, why I might be dizzy so often, and most importantly what the hell my chest aches are exactly.  

I am totally excited.   I feel like somebody finally cares and isn't going to rest until there is an answer to all my crazy health stuff.  

YAY!!!

Anxiety pills start tonight, along with a cocktail of meds for my stomach.  Fasting labs tomorrow. MRI, echocardiogram, x-rays of Friday.  Stress test, contrast chest stuff, coming up!  

I just want to know what is wrong and Dr. Benthal seems really optomistic that she will find it!  The question is where was the doctor like this when I was eight and this all started???

Oh well.  Keep Positive!

Tough Day

Today was rough.  It was one of those days I just wanted to throw in the towel and finally scream the words "I QUIT!" as I walk out of the building.  I didn't though.  I stuck with it.  Sometimes I wonder if I am even meant to  be a teacher, but then I remember the heinous situation I am in and how much I loved my student teaching and I am sure that God meant for me to be here and learn something from it.  Nothing ever happens without their being a reason.  I swear those kids were gonna drive me insane today, it was as if they rolled out of bed and thought to themselves "Today I am going to drive Miss Gwen crazy".  And they must be telepathic too because not one kid was well behaved today...NOT A SINGLE ONE!  It was truly amazing.  It was a  day that I just needed to scream...I thought about actually doing it but decided that might not go over so well with the directors...I do need the job despite hating it immensely.  

It's not just a rough day for me either.  There are some other bloggers out there that need our prayers because a day with hellions for students is nothing compared to what they are going through.  So, my thoughts and prayers are going out to Audrey's Family and Stellan's Family. 

My comfort today is that the Big Guy Upstairs has a plan for us all, even the smallest of us, so all we have to do is try to put our trust in Him.  And goodness knows it is hard to do, but even trying is enough.  Just let God lead the way.  

In high school I was in an intro to psychology class and for some reason or another we did an exercise where we were blindfolded and asked to walk around the school and back to our classroom without eyesight.  We had a partner whose only job was to make sure we didn't get hurt, and couldn't help us in any way but to say "Keep going, you're doing good".  I remember being so scared to look silly and so tempted to peek.  And I did end of peeking...I needed to be in control.  But the thing of it was, I was safe, I didn't need to peek, I wanted to.  If I would have just trusted my partner to keep me safe it would have been a much more rewarding experience.  

In my life I am too much wanting to take control.  I keep wanting to peek.  The reality is that Jesus is my partner who has it all under control and has my best interests in mind.  I don't need to peek.  I just need to let go of my need for control and let God lead me.  He has it all figured out.  I just got to let it go and trust in Him.  

So, I challenge you to let go.  Let Him lead you, let Him have control, trust in Him.   

Focus Group

I went to a focus group discussion today with five other early childhood teachers and you know what they told me?  Get out of the situation I am in...if only somebody else would offer me a job.  I would take anything else in a heartbeat!  Maybe working at Old Navy full-time? Ha! 

Lord, please let me find a new teaching job for next year.  I know you are listening and that you have  a plan for me...but can that plan please include a classroom of my own away from Got Kidz? Please??? 

Peer Pressure?

So, I finally gave in and created my own blog. 

Sure, nobody will probably read it...but I think I may be okay with that. 

More that anything this is a place to be me (see title of said blog).  

A place to vent about my life...or lack there of.  

A place to voice my opinions before really voicing them.  

So, here it begins.  

My online account of life as me.  

My thoughts, opinions and just plain ramblings.  

My first thought...I guess I give into peer pressure...or online pressure to fit in...maybe that is one of my character flaws...I always want to fit in...hmmm. That is a thought.